f loyalty, love and commitment. Constant brooding on this question lowers their esteem and makes them unhappy. It often irritates their partners too, whose expectations tend to be different. They are usually settled by then and are broadly happy with the status quo (some perhaps labouring under the delusion they are still single and still appealing to others!). Without any formal, long term commitment a bolthole is always open for them.

While this stage does not sound nearly as heady and exciting as the earlier ones, it

The hallmarks of the alignment stage are stability, understanding, achievement in both home and work, full acceptance of the relationship and – above all – friendship.

“It is not the lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages,” said Friedrich Nietzsche, because true friends love and accept who you are, not wanting you to be someone else. They do not constantly try to make you over or find fault with you, criticise or undermine you. They also see your potential and support you in your efforts to actualise your dreams and develop yourself. A friend will be with you through changes in your personality or your circumstances and still cherish you – in both the bad times and the good. Real friends can criticise constructively without damaging your esteem or battering your ego. They do not need to make you feel awful. They are likely to look out for your interests and be fiercely protective.

Genuine friends not only make you laugh, but are also there to comfort you when you cry. They do not need gifts to reinforce your value, neither do they need to see you only at your best. Lovers who become friends are the best kind because there is no need to pretend anymore and they also help to build stronger relationships through mutual respect and trust. Men and women with positive lifetime partners have discovered not only how to be one with each other, but also how to give space to the other to allow the person to be all that he/she desires as an individual. It is insecurity, a lack of trust and low self-esteem that drive couples in long relationships to live in a guarded and controlling manner. Love that endures has accommodation at its core and when two people align positively, as in the latter stages of a relationship, the best friendship emerges.

Desire to be Married
If the couple have not formalised their relationship through the public ritual of marriage, this is usually the stage when women, in particular, feel vulnerable and insecure – perhaps wondering why there is no proposal on the cards or no talk of weddings after all the years of loyalty, love and commitment. Constant brooding on this question lowers their esteem and makes them unhappy. It often irritates their partners too, whose expectations tend to be different. They are usually settled by then and are broadly happy with the status quo (some perhaps labouring under the delusion they are still single and still appealing to others!). Without any formal, long term commitment a bolthole is always open for them.

While this stage does not sound nearly as heady and exciting as the earlier ones, it

rts to actualise your dreams and develop yourself. A friend will be with you through changes in your personality or your circumstances and still cherish you – in both the bad times and the good. Real friends can criticise constructively without damaging your esteem or battering your ego. They do not need to make you feel awful. They are likely to look out for your interests and be fiercely protective.

Genuine friends not only make you laugh, but are also there to comfort you when you cry. They do not need gifts to reinforce your value, neither do they need to see you only at your best. Lovers who become friends are the best kind because there is no need to pretend anymore and they also help to build stronger relationships through mutual respect and trust. Men and women with positive lifetime partners have discovered not only how to be one with each other, but also how to give space to the other to allow the person to be all that he/she desires as an individual. It is insecurity, a lack of trust and low self-esteem that drive couples in long relationships to live in a guarded and controlling manner. Love that endures has accommodation at its core and when two people align positively, as in the latter stages of a relationship, the best friendship emerges.

Desire to be Married
If the couple have not formalised their relationship through the public ritual of marriage, this is usually the stage when women, in particular, feel vulnerable and insecure – perhaps wondering why there is no proposal on the cards or no talk of weddings after all the years of loyalty, love and commitment. Constant brooding on this question lowers their esteem and makes them unhappy. It often irritates their partners too, whose expectations tend to be different. They are usually settled by then and are broadly happy with the status quo (some perhaps labouring under the delusion they are still single and still appealing to others!). Without any formal, long term commitment a bolthole is always open for them.

While this stage does not sound nearly as heady and exciting as the earlier ones, it

rce your value, neither do they need to see you only at your best. Lovers who become friends are the best kind because there is no need to pretend anymore and they also help to build stronger relationships through mutual respect and trust. Men and women with positive lifetime partners have discovered not only how to be one with each other, but also how to give space to the other to allow the person to be all that he/she desires as an individual. It is insecurity, a lack of trust and low self-esteem that drive couples in long relationships to live in a guarded and controlling manner. Love that endures has accommodation at its core and when two people align positively, as in the latter stages of a relationship, the best friendship emerges.

Desire to be Married
If the couple have not formalised their relationship through the public ritual of marriage, this is usually the stage when women, in particular, feel vulnerable and insecure – perhaps wondering why there is no proposal on the cards or no talk of weddings after all the years of loyalty, love and commitment. Constant brooding on this question lowers their esteem and makes them unhappy. It often irritates their partners too, whose expectations tend to be different. They are usually settled by then and are broadly happy with the status quo (some perhaps labouring under the delusion they are still single and still appealing to others!). Without any formal, long term commitment a bolthole is always open for them.

While this stage does not sound nearly as heady and exciting as the earlier ones, it

relationships to live in a guarded and controlling manner. Love that endures has accommodation at its core and when two people align positively, as in the latter stages of a relationship, the best friendship emerges.

Desire to be Married
If the couple have not formalised their relationship through the public ritual of marriage, this is usually the stage when women, in particular, feel vulnerable and insecure – perhaps wondering why there is no proposal on the cards or no talk of weddings after all the years of loyalty, love and commitment. Constant brooding on this question lowers their esteem and makes them unhappy. It often irritates their partners too, whose expectations tend to be different. They are usually settled by then and are broadly happy with the status quo (some perhaps labouring under the delusion they are still single and still appealing to others!). Without any formal, long term commitment a bolthole is always open for them.

While this stage does not sound nearly as heady and exciting as the earlier ones, it

f loyalty, love and commitment. Constant brooding on this question lowers their esteem and makes them unhappy. It often irritates their partners too, whose expectations tend to be different. They are usually settled by then and are broadly happy with the status quo (some perhaps labouring under the delusion they are still single and still appealing to others!). Without any formal, long term commitment a bolthole is always open for them.

While this stage does not sound nearly as heady and exciting as the earlier ones, it has a strength and depth that the couple learn to value and cherish over time. It is almost as if the constant battles are over and it’s time to relax, to take stock and enjoy the victory – a time when communication, the desire to discover more about each other and the space for each partner to pursue his/her interests and dreams are all exceedingly important. But, being stable and predictable, this is often the phase which inadvertently carries the most risk and becomes problematic. There is usually a sense of loss, and inevitable sadness, as you realise that you are both getting older and initial hopes and dreams are unlikely to be realised. And, if you feel resentful or disillusioned with unfulfilled expectations, it could cause trouble in the next phase.

Familiarity breeds contempt and the alignment stage, being the most mundane and reassuring, tends to develop a degree of complacency and perhaps disappointment for at least one of the partners who might feel taken for granted, neglected or lacking in regular attention. There is likely to be a feeling of boredom, a sense of not being connected with your ‘other half’ and possibly having nothing in common, feelings particularly relevant to the relationships which have lost their spark or have become congenial/companionship types of commitment.