riorities than you do or doesn’t care about what you care about. It’s just that they have their own encrypted code for what actions say “I love you.” To you, his putting the lid down says he loves you, but he thinks saying I love you is filling up your gas tank so you don’t have to stop and do it yourself! Those actions are ones that come more naturally to him or her and are easier to remember (he will finally start remembering to put the lid down, I promise) to do.With everyone from Dr. Phil to Oprah telling you that the act of communicating is essential to a good marriage, you already know how important communication is to holding your marriage together.

But it may come as a surprise that by communicating you can do more than just keep your marriage together, you can strengthen it and deepen it in ways you never imagined.

And the trick is to learn what your partner’s language of love really is. Once a marriage passes the honeymoon phase, so to speak, this language is not as likely to be as lovey-dovey and, well, sweet as it was in the beginning. After all, once you’re married, day-to-day life does take over.

Instead of planning a future, you’re living it. Instead of romantic coos, you’re more likely to hear things like “Could you pick up dinner?” “Where are my socks?” “It’s your turn to take out the trash.” “Will you please stop forgetting to put the lid down!”

None of this conversation is very romantic, to be sure, and on busy days, you may find yourself irritated with your partner and ready to put him or her in the yard with a for sale sign around their necks.

That’s why you need to learn what means love to your partner! You may be all focused on the lid issue, while your partner doesn’t understand why you’re making such a big deal over that and didn’t even notice that he filled your car up with gas the last time he drove it and really, could care less.

See, that’s because the lid doesn’t signify anything to him, but the fact that he took the time (and money!) to fill up your car does—it’s his own personal love message to you. And part of his secret language of love!

The truth is that in the process of everyday living together, a lot of communicating isn’t done through words, it’s done through actions. It isn’t that your spouse has different priorities than you do or doesn’t care about what you care about. It’s just that they have their own encrypted code for what actions say “I love you.” To you, his putting the lid down says he loves you, but he thinks saying I love you is filling up your gas tank so you don’t have to stop and do it yourself! Those actions are ones that come more naturally to him or her and are easier to remember (he will finally start remembering to put the lid down, I promise) to do.<

, so to speak, this language is not as likely to be as lovey-dovey and, well, sweet as it was in the beginning. After all, once you’re married, day-to-day life does take over.

Instead of planning a future, you’re living it. Instead of romantic coos, you’re more likely to hear things like “Could you pick up dinner?” “Where are my socks?” “It’s your turn to take out the trash.” “Will you please stop forgetting to put the lid down!”

None of this conversation is very romantic, to be sure, and on busy days, you may find yourself irritated with your partner and ready to put him or her in the yard with a for sale sign around their necks.

That’s why you need to learn what means love to your partner! You may be all focused on the lid issue, while your partner doesn’t understand why you’re making such a big deal over that and didn’t even notice that he filled your car up with gas the last time he drove it and really, could care less.

See, that’s because the lid doesn’t signify anything to him, but the fact that he took the time (and money!) to fill up your car does—it’s his own personal love message to you. And part of his secret language of love!

The truth is that in the process of everyday living together, a lot of communicating isn’t done through words, it’s done through actions. It isn’t that your spouse has different priorities than you do or doesn’t care about what you care about. It’s just that they have their own encrypted code for what actions say “I love you.” To you, his putting the lid down says he loves you, but he thinks saying I love you is filling up your gas tank so you don’t have to stop and do it yourself! Those actions are ones that come more naturally to him or her and are easier to remember (he will finally start remembering to put the lid down, I promise) to do.

wn!”

None of this conversation is very romantic, to be sure, and on busy days, you may find yourself irritated with your partner and ready to put him or her in the yard with a for sale sign around their necks.

That’s why you need to learn what means love to your partner! You may be all focused on the lid issue, while your partner doesn’t understand why you’re making such a big deal over that and didn’t even notice that he filled your car up with gas the last time he drove it and really, could care less.

See, that’s because the lid doesn’t signify anything to him, but the fact that he took the time (and money!) to fill up your car does—it’s his own personal love message to you. And part of his secret language of love!

The truth is that in the process of everyday living together, a lot of communicating isn’t done through words, it’s done through actions. It isn’t that your spouse has different priorities than you do or doesn’t care about what you care about. It’s just that they have their own encrypted code for what actions say “I love you.” To you, his putting the lid down says he loves you, but he thinks saying I love you is filling up your gas tank so you don’t have to stop and do it yourself! Those actions are ones that come more naturally to him or her and are easier to remember (he will finally start remembering to put the lid down, I promise) to do.

ast time he drove it and really, could care less.

See, that’s because the lid doesn’t signify anything to him, but the fact that he took the time (and money!) to fill up your car does—it’s his own personal love message to you. And part of his secret language of love!

The truth is that in the process of everyday living together, a lot of communicating isn’t done through words, it’s done through actions. It isn’t that your spouse has different priorities than you do or doesn’t care about what you care about. It’s just that they have their own encrypted code for what actions say “I love you.” To you, his putting the lid down says he loves you, but he thinks saying I love you is filling up your gas tank so you don’t have to stop and do it yourself! Those actions are ones that come more naturally to him or her and are easier to remember (he will finally start remembering to put the lid down, I promise) to do.

riorities than you do or doesn’t care about what you care about. It’s just that they have their own encrypted code for what actions say “I love you.” To you, his putting the lid down says he loves you, but he thinks saying I love you is filling up your gas tank so you don’t have to stop and do it yourself! Those actions are ones that come more naturally to him or her and are easier to remember (he will finally start remembering to put the lid down, I promise) to do.

The secret language of love is seen in what isn’t said or done too. Like when you didn’t yell at him for leaving his Nikes in the living room. Or scream at her when you saw the phone bill after that long chat with her former college roommate.

By learning what actions and non-actions mean I love you to your spouse, you will strengthen and deepen your marriage. Not only will you know to gush when he, for example, washes your car, or to rave over the tuna casserole she makes for you even though she doesn’t like it all that much, you’ll be focused on the positives in your relationship—and believe me, that makes communicating much, much easier overall.