on. I mean, really listen. Put your reactions on hold. Take in what they are saying their needs are. Hold your tongue until they have finished talking.

7. Take responsibility for how you created this. If your main objective is to be right in a conversation, then don’t bother. This is tricky because our ego wants to fight to the end to be on top! There is always learning for you when it comes to relationships. If there is an issue, you were part of it on one level or another.

8. Breathe. Before, during and after the conversation. It will do wonders to calm you down and be connected to your heart.

9. If you can do anything physical to be more connected to the person, do it. Look them in the eye, hug, hold their hand, touch a shoulder or leg, shake their hand or smile. If you need to cry, do it.

10. Be v

Have words escaped your lips that you later regretted or wished you either had not said at all or at the least, said it differently?

Has somebody ever said something to you in a fit that really hurt your heart? Have you ever talked a subject to death with a mate or an employee but gotten nowhere? Have you ever debated in your head on whether you should say something or not to someone?

I would have to answer yes to all of the above. Communication is a great thing but it should be done in an intentional manner if the subject is emotional for you and/or the receiver. I ponder this topic a lot. I’m constantly looking for ways to be more powerful, sensitive and mature in my communication. My coaching clients ask, “What should I say?” when it comes to difficult situations involving other people.

Below are some guidelines that I’ve found useful. As always, they’re only good if you put them into practice and remember them when it counts.

1. If you are really charged up about something, do your very best to wait until you’ve settled down a bit. This can be extremely challenging, depending on the circumstance. You can let the other person know you are upset if they are in front of you. I usually say something like this, “I’m really upset right now and I need to go calm down.” Then I walk out. When I decide I am ready to talk, I do my best to stick to the subject at hand and say things that create forward movement.

2. If the topic you are upset about has been discussed many times, in dozens of different ways, drop it. Your ego may have a complete convulsion over this one. When you keep talking about it, you are literally activating this behavior to keep happening from the other person. You are pushing against someone, this is called resistance. You will have to solve this one by focusing on the outcome you desire with this person(s). Acknowledge to yourself ANY improvement you see about the situation. Expect things to turn around…be patient with yourself and the other person. This tactic is one of the most challenging but ultimately peaceful solutions. You are shifting yourself so that you may have lasting change.

3. Decide what the outcome is that you desire from the situation before talking. Remember the phrase win/win. If all you want is to be heard in the conversation, then you may be sorely disappointed. Are you willing to hear the other person’s side with open ears? Will it be enough for you to simply be heard? Will you be able to let go after that or would you truly want something more? Be honest with yourself.

4. Be clear on what the real issue is for you before talking. Sometimes you can react intensely to a situation; that you think is about “this” but find out later that it is about “that.” Telling someone they hurt your feelings is not enough to move a conversation forward for growth.

5. Ask questions before stating your side, even when it seems so obvious that another person is in the wrong. I like to ask “why” a person took the actions or spoke the words that upset me before moving forward in the conversation. You’ll be amazed about what motivates people to do and say what they do. We are all very different and just because you would never say or do something like they did, it doesn’t necessarily mean they are wrong.

6. Listen to the other person. I mean, really listen. Put your reactions on hold. Take in what they are saying their needs are. Hold your tongue until they have finished talking.

7. Take responsibility for how you created this. If your main objective is to be right in a conversation, then don’t bother. This is tricky because our ego wants to fight to the end to be on top! There is always learning for you when it comes to relationships. If there is an issue, you were part of it on one level or another.

8. Breathe. Before, during and after the conversation. It will do wonders to calm you down and be connected to your heart.

9. If you can do anything physical to be more connected to the person, do it. Look them in the eye, hug, hold their hand, touch a shoulder or leg, shake their hand or smile. If you need to cry, do it.

10. Be vu

lines that I’ve found useful. As always, they’re only good if you put them into practice and remember them when it counts.

1. If you are really charged up about something, do your very best to wait until you’ve settled down a bit. This can be extremely challenging, depending on the circumstance. You can let the other person know you are upset if they are in front of you. I usually say something like this, “I’m really upset right now and I need to go calm down.” Then I walk out. When I decide I am ready to talk, I do my best to stick to the subject at hand and say things that create forward movement.

2. If the topic you are upset about has been discussed many times, in dozens of different ways, drop it. Your ego may have a complete convulsion over this one. When you keep talking about it, you are literally activating this behavior to keep happening from the other person. You are pushing against someone, this is called resistance. You will have to solve this one by focusing on the outcome you desire with this person(s). Acknowledge to yourself ANY improvement you see about the situation. Expect things to turn around…be patient with yourself and the other person. This tactic is one of the most challenging but ultimately peaceful solutions. You are shifting yourself so that you may have lasting change.

3. Decide what the outcome is that you desire from the situation before talking. Remember the phrase win/win. If all you want is to be heard in the conversation, then you may be sorely disappointed. Are you willing to hear the other person’s side with open ears? Will it be enough for you to simply be heard? Will you be able to let go after that or would you truly want something more? Be honest with yourself.

4. Be clear on what the real issue is for you before talking. Sometimes you can react intensely to a situation; that you think is about “this” but find out later that it is about “that.” Telling someone they hurt your feelings is not enough to move a conversation forward for growth.

5. Ask questions before stating your side, even when it seems so obvious that another person is in the wrong. I like to ask “why” a person took the actions or spoke the words that upset me before moving forward in the conversation. You’ll be amazed about what motivates people to do and say what they do. We are all very different and just because you would never say or do something like they did, it doesn’t necessarily mean they are wrong.

6. Listen to the other person. I mean, really listen. Put your reactions on hold. Take in what they are saying their needs are. Hold your tongue until they have finished talking.

7. Take responsibility for how you created this. If your main objective is to be right in a conversation, then don’t bother. This is tricky because our ego wants to fight to the end to be on top! There is always learning for you when it comes to relationships. If there is an issue, you were part of it on one level or another.

8. Breathe. Before, during and after the conversation. It will do wonders to calm you down and be connected to your heart.

9. If you can do anything physical to be more connected to the person, do it. Look them in the eye, hug, hold their hand, touch a shoulder or leg, shake their hand or smile. If you need to cry, do it.

10. Be v

his behavior to keep happening from the other person. You are pushing against someone, this is called resistance. You will have to solve this one by focusing on the outcome you desire with this person(s). Acknowledge to yourself ANY improvement you see about the situation. Expect things to turn around…be patient with yourself and the other person. This tactic is one of the most challenging but ultimately peaceful solutions. You are shifting yourself so that you may have lasting change.

3. Decide what the outcome is that you desire from the situation before talking. Remember the phrase win/win. If all you want is to be heard in the conversation, then you may be sorely disappointed. Are you willing to hear the other person’s side with open ears? Will it be enough for you to simply be heard? Will you be able to let go after that or would you truly want something more? Be honest with yourself.

4. Be clear on what the real issue is for you before talking. Sometimes you can react intensely to a situation; that you think is about “this” but find out later that it is about “that.” Telling someone they hurt your feelings is not enough to move a conversation forward for growth.

5. Ask questions before stating your side, even when it seems so obvious that another person is in the wrong. I like to ask “why” a person took the actions or spoke the words that upset me before moving forward in the conversation. You’ll be amazed about what motivates people to do and say what they do. We are all very different and just because you would never say or do something like they did, it doesn’t necessarily mean they are wrong.

6. Listen to the other person. I mean, really listen. Put your reactions on hold. Take in what they are saying their needs are. Hold your tongue until they have finished talking.

7. Take responsibility for how you created this. If your main objective is to be right in a conversation, then don’t bother. This is tricky because our ego wants to fight to the end to be on top! There is always learning for you when it comes to relationships. If there is an issue, you were part of it on one level or another.

8. Breathe. Before, during and after the conversation. It will do wonders to calm you down and be connected to your heart.

9. If you can do anything physical to be more connected to the person, do it. Look them in the eye, hug, hold their hand, touch a shoulder or leg, shake their hand or smile. If you need to cry, do it.

10. Be v

that or would you truly want something more? Be honest with yourself.

4. Be clear on what the real issue is for you before talking. Sometimes you can react intensely to a situation; that you think is about “this” but find out later that it is about “that.” Telling someone they hurt your feelings is not enough to move a conversation forward for growth.

5. Ask questions before stating your side, even when it seems so obvious that another person is in the wrong. I like to ask “why” a person took the actions or spoke the words that upset me before moving forward in the conversation. You’ll be amazed about what motivates people to do and say what they do. We are all very different and just because you would never say or do something like they did, it doesn’t necessarily mean they are wrong.

6. Listen to the other person. I mean, really listen. Put your reactions on hold. Take in what they are saying their needs are. Hold your tongue until they have finished talking.

7. Take responsibility for how you created this. If your main objective is to be right in a conversation, then don’t bother. This is tricky because our ego wants to fight to the end to be on top! There is always learning for you when it comes to relationships. If there is an issue, you were part of it on one level or another.

8. Breathe. Before, during and after the conversation. It will do wonders to calm you down and be connected to your heart.

9. If you can do anything physical to be more connected to the person, do it. Look them in the eye, hug, hold their hand, touch a shoulder or leg, shake their hand or smile. If you need to cry, do it.

10. Be v

on. I mean, really listen. Put your reactions on hold. Take in what they are saying their needs are. Hold your tongue until they have finished talking.

7. Take responsibility for how you created this. If your main objective is to be right in a conversation, then don’t bother. This is tricky because our ego wants to fight to the end to be on top! There is always learning for you when it comes to relationships. If there is an issue, you were part of it on one level or another.

8. Breathe. Before, during and after the conversation. It will do wonders to calm you down and be connected to your heart.

9. If you can do anything physical to be more connected to the person, do it. Look them in the eye, hug, hold their hand, touch a shoulder or leg, shake their hand or smile. If you need to cry, do it.

10. Be vulnerable. Open. Vulnerability does not mean weakness or being a victim. Be willing to be honest, curious and loving…even in business.

There are many more effective ways to communicate. But these are great for starters. Also remember that everyone processes information differently. Take into consideration who it is in front of you. If a person is dominant; stick to the facts and bottom line it. If they are analytical; explain in detail with less emotion. If someone is emotional (like me!) they want to know they are cared for. If a person holds back with their emotions; let them reveal their feelings at their own pace…no forcing.

Wishing you effective communication that empowers each person and leads to a more fulfilling relationship.